Housetrapped (Choose Your Own Adventure!)

Here we go, I've started with a simple scenario: Me in my house! Well not the real me though, seeing as he's under your control there's a distinct possibility he's much much weirder. But for all intents and purposes, he's me and you get to order him around. Also my family doesn't actually leave me all alone without telling me. Really.
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Your name is Jon. You're a 16 year old boy living with your parents and younger brother and sister in Ireland. You just woke up to find a small paper note taped to your forehead from your mother.

Code:

Dear son,
Gone out for the day. Don't wait up.
Mom

Once again you have been left home alone after lazily sleeping in until after twelve. You roll over in bed and take a look around the mess you know to be your bedroom. Scattered throughout the room are items related to your hobbies and interests. Directly across from you is your TV, Playstation 3 and wide selection of videogames. Behind you is your desk upon which sits your laptop, beneath it are boxes and loose sheets most of which you probably no longer have use for but are unable to throw away. Beside this desk are shelves filled with DVDs. The opposite end of the room has a book shelf with a wide selection of strange books. Beyond these things there are many more random drawers filled with various childhood toys and objects, as well as piles of junk scattered around the room.

You are currently laying in bed in your t-shirt and shorts style pjs. Even with the curtains drawn closed the sun is beaming in through the cracks leaving you unable to fall back asleep. You can't lay around all day doing nothing, you should probably get up and find something to pass the time.

Take the toys and have a tea party with them :3

You carefully arrange your teddy bears in a circle on the floor. Retrieving all the mugs from the living room, you proceed to have a tea party with them. "More tea Mr. Pooh Bear?" you say gesturing out toward one of your stuffed animals with a pink teapot. He stares back at you with deep judging eyes. You nervously turn away from his gaze but find similar responses from the rest of the animals. Even Mickey Mouse seems to think you've gone off the deep end. Unhappy with their judgmental attitudes you take the rest of the imaginary tea for yourself. You sure showed them.

Get Barbie dolls and play strip poker with them.

After proceeding to kick your teddybears to the other side of the room, you sneak into your sisters room and retrieve the barbie dolls she kept from her childhood. You then take your limited edition Fallout New Vegas playing cards which you spent far too much money from eBay, and proceed to play strip poker with the dolls. Through some bizarre miracles the girls repeatedly end up with terrible hands, and end up stark naked within a few rounds. You feel kinda bad for them so you deliberately fold for the couple of hands and have to take off your pj t-shirt.

Get dressed in a maids outfit ^^

You lose another hand and are forced to remove your pj shorts in front of the dolls. They cower in shock at the sight of your almighty scepter. ALMIGHTY SCEPTER. As much as you like to indulge the wildest fantasies of your fangirls, you soon find it's quite drafty and decide you should get dressed. You walk over to the hunk of junk known as your wardrobe. It's incredibly badly built, and often requires you to open several compartments before you can get to the one you want. After much puzzling you find what you were looking for. Ah your secret shame: The maids outfit.

Why do you even own this? It was a bizarre, spur of the moment purchase. So far you haven't been able to bring yourself to wear it, but knowing your parents will be out all day makes you wonder. You seek the barbie dolls advice. They think it would be pretty hot. Their nipples are practically rock hard. At least they would be if barbie dolls had nipples. Damn, you must have spent 7 years of your life believing women had no nipples. Quickly you dress yourself in the outfit, along with a padded white bra with matching panties (The checkout girl gave you some strange looks for that) and a set of stockings. You top it off with that old blonde Hannah Montana wig from your sisters room. You stike a sexy pose for yourself by the hallway mirror. God there is something wrong with you.

What is a scepter?

And...Zane and Pepper walk in with angry chinese man.

It's like a staff kinda thing. Except in this case, where it was a euphemism for penis.

While you admire your femininity you suddeny hear the front door open. You panic! If your family see you dressed up like this you'll never live it down! What can you do? Hide in the bathroom? No that won't buy you much time. Strip? That wouldn't be much better. Murder them? Tempting but you wouldn't wanna get blood on your maids outfit. Too late they're here! But wait... it's not your family after all, it's your friend Zane and Pepper! ...and an angry Chinese guy? What? Damn you regret giving them a key to your house. They're always up to weird shit. They don't seem surprised by your girly wear, by now they pretty much realize you're some kind of perverted freak, but the Chinese fella looks severely creeped out.

While they casualy close the door behind them Jon...ummm...Goes out hides in the bushes near a kindergarden.And watchis those litle kids play.

o_o

No way you're sticking around to see what Pepper and Zane have in store for you. Half the time they just seem to spend sloppily making out anyway. While they close the door behind them you quickly bolt back to your room and exit through the window. Like a ninja you gracefully flip over your garden fence and run as fast as you can. Unfortunately you're still a lazy douche and was only able to run as far as the local playground. You suddenly remember you're dressed in a sexy maid outfit and without a second thought jump into the bushes. Phew that was a close one. You're already dangerously close to becoming old enough to be a pedophile, this certainly wouldn't have helped. It occurs to you now that you probably should have grabbed your house keys on your way out. You idiot.

An old lady comes hits you in the crotch with her bag thinking you are going to rape her sexy virgin body.The old lad is fat,wrinkly and plain old :3

You decide it's probably best to sneak back to your house before Pepper and Zane close your window so nobody hears them having sex on your bed. At least that's what you assume they do every time this happens. Which is often. For the sake of not causing trouble, you sneak out the back of the bushes so as not to get the kids attention. Looks like you might just get out of this scotfree! Then a fat old lady smacks you in the crotch with her handbag yelling "HOW DARE YOU STARE AT MY VIRGIN BUTTOCKS YOU VILE PERSON MY BODY IS A TEMPLE THAT MUST BE DELIVERED UNTOUCHED TO GOD YOU FOUL RAPIST YOU MUST BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR SINS." You're not quite sure what she's on about but you do know your penis is certainly burning in the fires of hell.

Oh,oh,this is a good one.The old lady knows karate.And then you get saved by a model/playboy magazine looking girl who turns out to be a guy.

To hell with this, you're getting out of here before anything else can go wro-- Your chain of thought it interrupted when she karate chops you across the head. What is her problem? You try to run away but she gives you a flying kick to the nuts. You're pretty much getting the crap beaten out of you by an old lady, and you're dressed as a maid. This never would have happened if you just got up in the morning like everyone else. At least there's nobody else around to see it. And of course no sooner had you thought that, a red sports car comes tearing down the road. This is humiliating.

To your surprise, the car stops in front of you rather than give you the dignity of hitting you and letting you die. Behind the tinted windscreen you can see a stunning blonde girl with super model good looks and a massive set of boobs that look like something out of a magazine. She stares at you with a saucy smile on her face and then flips her head back in a motion that screams "Hop in big boy I'm gonna take you for a ride." After weighing up your choices you take hot playboy model girl over fat religious old lady. You hop into the car and strap in, but before you can thank your guardian angel the old lady flings her handbag with incredibly accuracy and it smashes against you head, knocking you clean out.

You wake up some time later in a misty room filled with heat. As your eyes adjust you realize you're in some kind of sauna. You look down at yourself and sure enough you're naked. You hope your maid outfit is alright. Staring accross the room you see your sexy new friend is also in the nude. Something feels off though. You squint your eyes and notice an unusual detail. Her pubic hairs are bright blue. How strange, still I guess shes free to do what she wants with he-- oh god dammit she has a penis.

S/he comes up and ask ready for round two and poor Jon runs for his life,,,nakid C:

The thing stands up and saunters seductively toward you. It's penis hovers gently in front of your face, and despite being in a sauna you can feel yourself sweating much harder than before. In a verydeep and manly voice it proclaims "You look ready to go again. Round two?" The room is so silent afterward that you can literally hear it's penis twitch. No way. This is not happening. NO. NO NO NO. You quickly bolt out the door releasing the steam out with you giving you some temporary cover to escape. Unfortunately you're not too sure where you're going either. But it can't be worse than here right?

You run,run,run and end up in a clothes shop when BAM you see your family there.

You run out into the streets and keep on going, doing your best to avoid people. Where the hell even are you? Somewhere in town you think but not anywhere you recognize. Oh god if anyone sees you like this you're screwed. Doing the best to cover your shameful parts, you sneak into a nearby clothing store. You keep low and make your way to the menswear section where you'll "borrow" some new threads before anyone fi-- OH FUCK ITS YOUR FAMILY. You hide behind a clothes rack with your heart beating insanely. You gotta get out of here before they spot you.

Hehe...
As yoou try to get out your feet get stuck in something and you fall right on top of your brother knocking him unconcious.

Time for operation: NAKED NINJA. You attempt to do a totally kickass roll into the safety of the nearby changing rooms, but spectacularly fuck up and get your foot caught in a scarf. The whole rack comes down with you and you land on some poor unfortuante kid. You pull yourself up and see that it's your bro. It's at this point you realize you're sitting naked on top of him. FLIP THE FUCK OUT. Thankfully you seemed to have knocked him unconscious, but damn why does he always gotta wander off like this? You quickly run into the changing room and hide before someone can come check on what the noise was.

Yoursister in only her underwear was behind you.

Man you're glad that's over, looks like stuff is finally going your way. You turn around and see your sister. Wearing only a pair on panties. This could only get worse if... yup you've got an erection you freak. Oh god, at least shes facing away from you and hasn't noticed you yet.

You got out and got into someones home..you choose.

This is just too fucked up, even for you. You sneak back out of the store, you just can't risk your family seeing you. But you can't hang around town naked all day, you're gonna freeze your balls off. Lucky for you the house across the street has an open window, you'll just sneak in grab some clothes and get out. You scramble through, knocking your still erect cock against the windowsill in the process and leaving you laying on the floor in pain for several minutes. You get up and look around. It's a girls bedroom so looks like you'll need to check further into the house to get some clothes. Say why is there a photo of your secondary school crush Alison on the wall?