Housetrapped (Choose Your Own Adventure!)

But still she has food so what you gotta do?

And so in order to preserve your life you make love to the ladyboy. It wasn't that bad. You freak.

Your butt hurts a lot nowdays though and those jkes they make hurt your feelings.

Time passes by as you continue to make butt love for food and a place to live. It's putting a major strain on your back though, and you're pretty sure all the jerks down at the factory know it cos they point and laugh and make obscene hand gestures when you pass them in the hall. As a result you've taken to spending an hour every day crying. Right after buttsex.

so you decided too...free writting.

You feel like you were about to do something stupid when suddenly that strange feelings of freedom comes over you again. It overwhelms your mortal body, and causes you to cry out in a fit of rage! You've had enough of being pushed around by chinamen, you've had enough of taking it up the bum for a cheese sandwich, you're sick of this dead end job in this dead end country, it's time for fight back! While you were thinking up this speech however you were pushed into a wooden crate and are now on a plane to who knows where. You gotta be quicker with this freedom thing pal.

"it's time for fight back!"
It's time to fight back!

You end up in Jersey Shore.

You have nothing to do during the flight except angrily listen to the voices in your head point out your grammar issues. After several hours of flight and being forced to drink your own pee to survive, the flight lands. Using your expert stealth skills (AKA beating the guy who opened your box with your pee jar) you sneak out of the airport before they find you at customs. Time to get your bearings for your new location. There's muscles, tan and hairgel as far as the eye can see. Oh fuck no you're in Jersey Shore.

You see the situation being a situation.

You see that. Inside you die just a little.

The voice asks you "Why die?"

You go on to answer the voices in your head with a very long winded rant about how you believe that Jersey Shores shows a very negative portrayal of the Italian-American people and their lifestyles, aswell as reflecting badly upon the state of New Jersey. Meanwhile everyone stares at you with wtf faces.

And you to fit in went New Jersey style :3

As much as you despise these people with every moral fibre of your body, you also don't take long to give into peer pressure. By lunch time you're tanned, have gelled hair, wearing a muscle shirt and are referred to as "Jonny P".

Jhonny P?Really now?

Free writing ,Jhonny P.

Life as Jonny P is pretty cool. You spend loads of time hanging out with the dudes, pumping iron and drinking back beer and then at night you hit the clubs, drink more beer and get laid with a bunch of weird chicks. It's the life alright. Nothing could be better than thi... WAIT. IT'S THERE AGAIN. THAT FEELING OF FREEDOM. QUICKLY ESCAPE THIS MADNESS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. You jump into the ocean and drift off to sea. Free will is wasted on you truly.

AND you get dragged back by an unknown force.

Rather than doing the respectful thing for society by allowing yourself to drown, you're carried back to land by unknown forces. Perhaps there is some purpose for you here in Jersey Shore that you must fulfill? Eh doubt it most likely gods fucking with you.

You decide to marry the situation.

After your disappearance The Situation realized you were his one true love and that you'd always been destined to be together. You're not so sure, but hell you're not getting any younger and your time is ticking away so you accept his proposal and marry. Congratulations Mr. Jonny Situation.

Free writing ))

It's the night of your wedding. You and The Situation are about to consummate your marriage when suddenly another slice of freedom pie flows right through your mind. Okay no wasting it this time, no kidding around kid your butt has been stretched enough already on account of these shenanigans it's time to do something about. You close your eyes and focus, harder than you've ever focused before. Suddenly all around you the world seems to break apart. Time and space have been critically affected by your powerful freedom thoughts and everything is pretty much fucked. Way to go smart ass this is why we can't have nice things. You can feel a little freewill left, with all your power you repair the universe and manifest yourself back in your bedroom several months in the past when you were left along. You've been given a second (Third? Fourth?) chance in life , try not to mess it up. Oh who am I kidding you're screwed.

.......Still free will...

Wow the Gods must be feeling generous cos you still got some free will kicking around you. Or maybe going back in time regenerated the free will you already spent? Time shenanigans make your head hurt. You decide to start this day off a little more normally and have breakfast rather than doing something weird. Ah nothing like ketchup on dorritos with a side of butter.

But then you poke your eyes.Scream in pain and see god telling you to go star.So you become a singer with tons of make up and guys whose butts you find cute and like to touch.Also you love the colour white now.